...which is not a fish

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Taraxacum Officiale Looserius


The taraxacum officiale looserius was transplanted from Eastern Europe to the United States in the mid-1990s, and currently resides in the Sacramento, California. He has also been spotted in Salt Lake City, Utah where he met with species 2759. The taraxacum officiale looserius was seen briefly in New Mexico in 2006, and had concerns in Texas, although he has never been seen there.


The taraxacum officiale looserius subsists on a semivegan diet that consists of fruits, vegetables, soy milk, organic beef, fish and seafood. He has been known to frequent In-n-Out Burger, Macaroni Grill and Jamba Juice, where he drinks carrot juice because it is fresh-squeezed, and does wheatgrass shots (as a digestive aid that helps clean out the lower intestines). He has claimed not to drink in the past, but visual documentation of a meal at McGrath's Fish House indicates he enjoys the occasional beer. The problem with this diet is that it often results in gas, expelled in the form of blog entries.


The taraxacum officiale looserius is behaviourally inconsistent; this can be frustrating to those who do not understand his thought process. Additionally, the taraxacum officiale looserius is a sensitive species and does not take well to criticism. Species 2759 has taken up a protector role in relation to the taraxacum officiale looserius; critics should be warned that any criticism that is not constructive will be ignored or deleted by both species. The taraxacum officiale looserius often tends to leap before he looks and has paid the price for this in the form of an inital $2.2 million (USD) in debt (see "Past Times" below). There also seems to be a bit of a miscomprehension between the idea of "income" vs. "financing" vs. "loans" vs "credit": the taraxacum officiale looserius tends to treat all of these equally and believes cash is cash (and credit is cash), regardless of the source.


The taraxacum officiale looserius is continually on the lookout for "sweet deals" that will provide passive income in order that he may have Jamba Juice and Starbucks whenever he wants. In the past, thinking these "sweet deals" would be easily found in real estate, and bought several properties in various states in a short time - reports are that he bought 8 in 8 months. Several of these properties required fixing/renovating before they could be flipped, however due to the lack of appropriate behaviour (i.e. - making sure the renovations were completed in a timely manner and effectively managing the budget for these properties), the changes were never completed and six of the houses have been foreclosed upon. The taraxacum officiale looserius is currently in "lender-ignore mode" except for one. This lender did receive a payment, but the taraxacum officiale looserius was out of funds for it and had to ask for donations in return for performing tricks (see "dancing monkey"). The taraxacum officiale looserius has a very high entertainment value and continually refuses to learn from his experiences. While some may call "looking before you leap" common sense, this author would remind those people that common sense is not all that common. What experience allows is the development of judgment. This requires, of course, that after an experience a person sit down and think about what happened and how it could have been done better, then implementing these changes later on. The taraxacum officiale looserius has not demonstrated this ability.

In conjunction with his ongoing search for "sweet deals", the taraxacum officiale looserius often gets others to "bird-dog" deals for him.

Care and Feeding

The taraxacum officiale looserius is a sensitive, impulsive sort and should be treated with kid gloves. At any rate, you should wear the kid gloves as handling may leave some marks. The mood swings of the taraxacum officiale looserius are fairly quick, however, and he is likely to bounce back quickly with yet another "crazy idea" to get saved.

When in doubt, ply with the above-noted semivegan diet, heavy on wheatgrass. Wheatgrass aids in colonic cleansing and will rectify any bad feelings from the taraxacum officiale looserius in short order.

Please leave a comment if the author has missed any pertinent points.


Anonymous said...

Can we archive Nigel's offensive post comparing the holocaust to Casey's supposed persecution?

It should be archived for all the world to see.

Schnapps said...

I'm not overly fond of taking others' posts and posting them as my own. Its akin to plagarism, IMHO.

The transcripts were posted elsewhere, and not just on Casey's thing he calls a blog (soon to be a foreclosure help site! that is the intention, anyways). Nigel's posts, for all the benefit they confer, are his own and they should stay there.

Sprezzatura said...

Linky look!

Schnapps said...

And looky! The linky works!

ratlab said...

I clicky linky and it brought into a blue ball site. Sweet win-win!

Akubi said...

Excellent research! Will you provide us with an overview of Taraxacum Officiale Galinalis as well?

Schnapps said...

Hm. I might. That species activity is hard to document, mind you.

But that won't be til next week at the earliest.

At least, now, the sun is shining. :)